"That mom"

Today I was that mom.  You know the one.  The one is emotional, irrational, angry, and doesn't care who knows it. You have wronged one of her babies and you will fix this and you will make it happen now.

Well, in a perfect world that's exactly how it would happen.  In reality, it will be fixed but definitely not as quickly as I would like and I may have caused more harm than good. 

Let me start by saying that as a teacher I ALWAYS side with my kids teachers.  ALWAYS.  I hear all kinds of crazy stories from my kids and I think, there is no one that a teacher would say that or there is no way that a teacher would do that.  If the teacher claims you didn't do the assignment then that is on you not on the teacher until one kiddo shows me a paper with a grade on it and the teacher put it in the grade book as a zero.  I can overlook that.  Really I can. And I'll even defend the teacher that they have a lot of kids and it is your responsibility if you see a zero when you have the graded assignment to talk to the teacher.  Advocate for yourself.  Be responsible.   

But what if the teacher is wrong?  Like worse than  just not entered 1 grade wrong in the grade book wrong?  I know she's wrong.  The teacher knows she's wrong but refuses to admit it.  The administrators I talk to say she's wrong.  We all agree, she's wrong but no one is willing to do anything to fix it.

Well, that's when I have to be "the one".  I never want to be "the one".  In fact, I resent the teacher just a bit for forcing me to have no other choice.  My job as a parent is to raise my kids right and teach them to be responsible and if someone is sabotaging those efforts, well, then it is my job to advocate for them.

So as much as I hate it .... I'm "that mom".

The Promised Land

This blog post has been stirring in my head and heart for the past several weeks In fact, it is the very thought that inspired me to start writing again.  But then self-doubt snuck in.  Should I share it?  Should I not share it?  What will people think?  Does anyone read the blog anyhow?  Why does it matter what people think?  Lots of self-doubt and inner talk (sometimes inner argument) but in the end I just think if I don't share this, I am not truly living gallantly, so here goes nothing.

In the Bible, the Promised Land was the land promised to the Israelites when they left Egypt and the oppression that they had suffered at the hand of the Egyptians for some 400 years.  They left the only home that any of them had known and followed Moses through the desert to their promise of a "land flowing with milk and honey" (Exodus 3:8 if you want to read the account).  I've always been a little confused by that particular statement so I did a little research and found “milk and honey” refers to the nectar of the fruit, and a land “flowing with milk and honey” is an expression used for a particularly fertile land that could produce abundant and juicy fruit.

So with this promise, the Israelites followed Moses through the Red Sea, past Mount Sinai (think Ten Commandments), and a bunch of other drama.  Years later, the Israelites finally make it near the Promised Land and Moses sends spies to survey the situation and when the spies return from their spying activities, they affirm that “it is also flowing with milk and honey and here are its fruit, however, the people who dwell in the land are fierce” (Numbers 15:27, 28).  They talk of giants and impossibility.

But see, that's the thing about the Promised Land, yes, there were obstacles, but it was, also, promised.  Long story a little shorter, only 2 spies remind Moses of the promise and try to encourage the Israelites that God's promise is God's promise, God makes the Israelites wander the desert until the generation dies off due to their lack of trust, Moses disobeys God when they are wandering in the desert without water, and Moses doesn't even get to enter rather has to look at the promise from afar and wonder what could have been due to that disobedience.

Nice story, right? But here is something that I had never considered, we all have our own Promised Land.  Some people call it their destiny or calling or whatever but in reality it is just the promise that is in store for our life.  Several weeks ago, our pastor asked the question, what is your Promised Land?  Hmmmmm .... that's a very good question and one that I'm not entirely sure that I know the answer to. 

What I do know is this, I don't just want to see my Promised Land from afar and wonder what it would have been like as Moses had to do nor do I want to be like the spies who were too afraid of the obstacles so they never got to experience the fulfillment of the promise.  I want to my Promised Land, whatever that might be.

Good Ol' Days

Sometimes in life it is important to acknowledge that a friendship has run its course. The person who was once your "go to" person just isn't anymore. Sometimes it isn't about a big fight or not seeing eye to eye or for anything other obvious reason, it's just done.

Kaput.

Over.

The key is understanding that sometimes that person just doesn't need to be in your life anymore. Yes, they will always be in your heart but time marches on and we can't wallow in the "good ol' days".  I am a true believer that there is time and season for everything including friendships.  Some friendships last a lifetime while others are placed in your life to serve a purpose and a time.

Expectations

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.” ― Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon

The thing about expectations is that they are almost impossible to attain. We go through life with certain "expectations" for different people in our lives based upon what "we" think they should do, how "we" think they should act or react, what "we" think they should know, etc. The problem in all that is that is too often about "we" and not really about the other person but really more about "me".

I have crazy high expectations of myself. Now that isn't always a bad thing, but the problem lies when I cast those expectations on others who don't live within that same set of beliefs.

As I get older, I find that truly the only person that I am disappointing with my self-imposed expectations of other people is myself. I need to just let it go; but if you know me, you know that isn't super easy for me to do.

So, that being said, I find myself wanting to be more reflective of my own actions and less worried about the actions of others.

Maybe Elsa is right, sometimes you just need to let it go.

I Really Just Wanted a Hat

Well, technically, it all started with me wanting a hat. Not just any hat -- this hat specifically:

The date was May, 10, 2008. I was graduated from Northern Arizona University with my Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education. From the moment I saw the hat, I knew I needed one! However, while this hat (technically, an English Tudor cap or Tam) can be purchased, it must be earned first. But in order to earn it, I would have to get a doctorate. Um .. yeah no thanks I had just finished 3 years of classes in the evening while working graveyard full time and managing my family with 2 tweenage children.

Fast forward 3 weeks, I find myself enrolled in Master's classes. Going to school must be like having a baby, clearly as soon as you finish you forget the pain, anguish, blood, sweat, and tears. In May, 2010, I again found myself at graduation at Northern Arizona University, this time with my Master's in Elementary Education, and again I was enthralled by the hats.

Just a short few weeks later, June 23, 2010 to be exact, I found myself on my own journey to earn my own hat.  It was supposed to be a 36 month program and you don't even want to know how much it was supposed to cost. It was about a 51 month journey and about 3 times as much money as it was supposed to be.

But guess what?

Last week, I earned my own hat!

I have been in school continuously for 9 years and 1 month.  That equals give or take 3,315 days.  My trusty computer (well, truthfully I think I went through 3 laptops during that time) has been on every family vacation from camping, to Hawaii, to Florida, to Texas (a couple of times), to California (too many times to count) and, before the age of free wireless internet in hotels (although lately I have stayed in some that are reverting to making people pay -- cheapskates!!), I even had to have my family drop my off at a Kinko's in Huntington Beach, CA, to pay to use their computers in order to get my assignments turned in on time while they went to the beach.

I am ready for a laptop free vacation! 

Or am I really? 

Now that I have earned the hat, the question is what now?

So it all started with a silly hat ......

Am I Really Living Gallantly?

Gallant is defined as "brave and high-spirited; courageous; honorable; dignified". Its origin stems from the 14th century and at that time was generally used to describe the young warriors of the time. (Think Braveheart)

But I would contend that the word has applications and meanings for this day and age. As I get older I start to think back on my life and wonder, have I lived my life in a way that it was meant to be lived? Have I made the most of the opportunities that I have been given? Am I brave? Courageous? I want to live a gallant life! A life full of doing things that scare me and challenge me. A life that is lived with honor and dignity and where every dream is a possibility. And not only dreams but big dreams .. really, really big dreams.

I want to live gallantly!